What Has Happened To Us? Why Can't It Be All About Love?
I just wrote a REALLY LONG blog post in response to the senseless violence that happened in Newtown CT today, and then somehow I managed to hit the wrong key and “poof” all my words disappeared.
So I will attempt yet another post, but a shorter version. A word of warning, THIS IS A REALLY HEAVY and INTENSE POST. I have to speak my truth, or I am not being true.
The title of this post is not meant to sound all “hippy dippy”. NO, what I mean by it is this (I am going to get straight to it), LOVE your children, I mean REALLY DO IT, don’t take the “easy” road to parenting your children, the one that tells us that we should ignore the baby when he/she cries, or that we shouldn’t hold our babies so much, or that it’s not OK to wear them ALL DAY for months….or that just because they nursed 5 minutes ago, they cannot possibly still be hungry/thirsty again…
Look, there is a reason why we have those things deep within the well of our being called “INSTINCTS”. Like it or not, we are an ancient people, yes, WE have been around for A VERY LONG TIME, and our “INSTINCTS” have kept us alive for a very long time.
This said, why then, as a culture/society here in the United States do we see children, starting in babyhood as something to be ignored (ignored crying = ignored feelings/needs), YES, THERE IS A REASON BABIES CRY, though in my personal experience as a mama…I have to say….(and I AM NOT PERFECT), that my babies rarely cry because I LISTEN TO MY MAMA INSTINCTS, and I LISTEN TO MY BABIES.
What am I getting at here….
It is this. In my opinion (and it is a very strong one I know this – and that comes from my own recollection of being raised in a non-compassionate, at times rather cold manner), our culture, our society for some reason generation after generation continues to subscribe to notions of “raising children” in a rather cold and not always attached way, there isn’t a whole lot of listening to what the child’s needs are, but the parent listens to what their own needs are and that the child is only crying for attention and it’s annoying. Uh, what? The child “needs” some attention? YES! Babies and children/toddlers and beyond DO HAVE NEEDS! Imagine that?
Just to say it again, this is my own opinion, shaped out of many years of personal struggle…and after 4 years of raising an amazing miracle child (after the loss of my first baby), and now 10 months into raising another miracle of life.
After being given these miracles of life, I cannot imagine how any parent ignores the cries of a baby…and I have seen and heard it plenty. Nor can I fathom any parent ignoring the cries and emotional needs of a struggling toddler, for whom the world IS SO DAMN BIG AND SCARY!
For me, a grown up with a less than perfect past equal to: a not so happy childhood because of my family circumstances/negative ideas about raising kids (and now an adult who is trying to put herself back together – remember I AM NOT PERFECT!)…I can see how so many of us struggle, some of us struggle with depression, feelings of deep confusion, feelings of self worth/not good enough etc.
If we, this culture of parents in America continue to parent in a way that is counter intuitive to how our own instincts, in a long term view (again, I am a product of this) how can we possibly “raise up” our children to see the world in a positive way full of joy and hope, the way they are meant to? Why do these young generations need to be shown that when we have emotions that they are to be ignored? Can we not see the negative effects of this on our society today? We are a society of disconnectedness, disconnected from ourselves and our parents. We are lost. We are lost in depression, we are lost asking for help, or not knowing how to ask for fear of again being ignored. We are teaching these generations that when things get hard we should ignore it, that they can “go to their room”, or “have a time out” (you go cry in the corner while I ignore your feelings)…WHAT? Does this seem like a compassionate way to act towards a small little person who is scared of how they are feeling?
When I became aware of what happened today in CT, I was beside myself with grief, as many, many people are. All I could think of was the mother of the person who decided to go through with such a tragic and senseless act. Then I heard that she was deceased…and all at once, I wanted to know, what was her history with her child? It is because of my own past that I asked this question. What was it that caused so much pain and anger. Then, I GOT REALLY FUCKING PISSED OFF. How is it that a 20 year old person is able to legally obtain weapons such as the ones that were used? TODAY, in this time of 2012, in our sophistication…HOW IS THIS HAPPENING/HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? WHY DOES THE NRA STILL EXIST? WHY ARE WE SUCH A VIOLENT COUNTRY?
Do the rights of these gun owners (via NRA) outweigh these innocent children’s right’s to life? Look, I absolutely believe in freedom of speech, but we are not cowboys/cowgirls anymore. We don’t have to defend our homes. It’s disgusting and beyond comprehension that we haven’t fixed this, NOW is the DAMN time to speak OUR truth, and pass a bill TO FIX THIS!
Right now, the shock is settling in, these children – these babies of these parents, they are gone, these children will never speak, never laugh, never cry again. To ALL these bereaved parents, I send my deepest love and sympathy. I send you strength, and courage to grieve your loss, I send you wisdom to trust your grief process….it will not be easy, but there are MANY of us that will hold you and love you through this time, and in the future.
To the rest of us, I ask of you, PLEASE, please love your children with all that you are, through to the deepest core of your being, and please trust your instincts to guide you, please, please, listen to the tiny cries of your little one’s (and the big one’s too). Let go of your expectations, and give in to allowing yourself to fully listen and love.
Trust your voice, listen and love.
Trust your voice, listen and love, and your children with trust, listen and love you (now and when they are grown).
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